initially ,this wasn't what i wanted to do with my blog.i clearly didn't want to make it my journal.but that is exactly how it is turning out to be.then again,it seems like the best way to make people know what i am and what i need.
*reeling back into flashback*
so,a few months back i was an entirely different person. i was the happiest person to everybody else.when they saw me it was inevitable for them to not think that i was loaded with everything i could ever need to be so happy.(they even thought i had my prince charming) . i had the life that made people go green(not on a diet!just plain jealous!)i was always high spirited and i had the most perfect best friend . i had the biggest phone around(samsung note 1) and i was spotted with a pink bag,a pink phone and pink shoes.i would always be hanging around in a coffee shop with my best friend and sometimes with a posse of my own. i was known for being jovial and easy-to-get-to types. i was known for being a carefree person who can handle just about any distraught situation. i had the perfect parents who loved me more than anything in the world and would not say the N(no) word to me ,like ever,and that was what was keeping me so perfectly happy.i talked around like i had no worries . sometimes they even thought i was so carefree that i would not care if my best friend left me for i was so sure i could always get a move on in life.i spent crazy money on friends when i had cash on me.i always posed a i-don't-give-a-damn attitude that really ticked some people off but yet they continued to be my friends because i'm that awesome. phew!!! THE ABOVE MENTIONED ARE NOT MY POINT OF VIEW!THEY ARE ALL WHAT EVERYONE ELSE OTHER THAN ME THOUGHT.. OFF TO WHAT I REALLY THINK!
yes,i was an entirely different person until a few months ago when i was exposed to a series of heartbreaking incidents.but before all of that happened i was never really as happy as they thought i was. i looked cheerful and happy only because i didn't want nobody to lay their sympathetic eyes on me. thinking about it now,i was indeed loaded with everything i could ever possibly need,only that i never realized it back then like i do now. (i could have even had my prince charming hadn't i been such a moron) people did boil with green inside of them but that was useless because i was simply faking a happy life, beneath all of smiles and laughter was a layer that nobody except my best friend knew. it was a feeling that i could not push away no matter how many times i tried. it was a feeling i could not explain because nobody would believe me anyway. i felt lonely even when i was surrounded by a room full of people i loved and cherished. i felt like i was missing something. like my equation to a happy life was still far from being complete.so,the big phone i had was the thing that caught everybody's eyes. but they never knew that i had to stay without a phone for two whole months just to be able to get this baby rock <3 they always thought that i got whatever i had without a fight. but only know how dirty the fights were to get something i wanted. it was never easy for me. i was spotted in a coffee shop all the time simply because i wasn't allowed to bring friends home. that was the sickest thing i had to accept and live with. i was never a carefree person . on the outside i made myself look tough but on the inside i break worse than a glass. i cry before i sleep on most nights . and if i lost someone i really cared about, the crying doesn't find a time to come . i was downright sensitive and all mushy. of course i never showed it on the outside for the most obvious reasons! i was never allowed any allowances. so every once in a while i saved up some and spent it all on the ones that spent on me when i was broke. my attitude was a wall i built myself to protect me from repeatedly getting hurt or subjected to any sort of events that will break me down. and all of this was known by only one friend who stuck around with me through highs and lows and never walked away,unlike many. SO THAT IS THE REAL STORY. NOW COMES THE PART ABOUT WHAT I AM UPTO THESE DAYS!
after going through a series of rough patches,i have decided to let go of all the things that had hurt me in some way. i have set aside a lot of people who were earlier my friends . i have realized why things never worked out sometimes and why i was never as happy as i seemed to others. now,i have cut myself out from any possible link to my past and i'm sticking to just the one friend that stuck with me. i have no intentions of visiting my past ,though it was fun and all. i'm finally finding happiness from within myself by being myself. i don't have to be pretentious person anymore. and i sure as hell don't want to be interrupted by anyone that i don't talk to anymore. because the logic is simple. IF YOU WERE IN ANY WAY SUPPORTIVE OR COMFORTING OR NECESSARY TO ME,YOU WOULD BE HAVING THE NUMBER TO MY CELL NOW! /peace out\
*reeling back into flashback*
so,a few months back i was an entirely different person. i was the happiest person to everybody else.when they saw me it was inevitable for them to not think that i was loaded with everything i could ever need to be so happy.(they even thought i had my prince charming) . i had the life that made people go green(not on a diet!just plain jealous!)i was always high spirited and i had the most perfect best friend . i had the biggest phone around(samsung note 1) and i was spotted with a pink bag,a pink phone and pink shoes.i would always be hanging around in a coffee shop with my best friend and sometimes with a posse of my own. i was known for being jovial and easy-to-get-to types. i was known for being a carefree person who can handle just about any distraught situation. i had the perfect parents who loved me more than anything in the world and would not say the N(no) word to me ,like ever,and that was what was keeping me so perfectly happy.i talked around like i had no worries . sometimes they even thought i was so carefree that i would not care if my best friend left me for i was so sure i could always get a move on in life.i spent crazy money on friends when i had cash on me.i always posed a i-don't-give-a-damn attitude that really ticked some people off but yet they continued to be my friends because i'm that awesome. phew!!! THE ABOVE MENTIONED ARE NOT MY POINT OF VIEW!THEY ARE ALL WHAT EVERYONE ELSE OTHER THAN ME THOUGHT.. OFF TO WHAT I REALLY THINK!
yes,i was an entirely different person until a few months ago when i was exposed to a series of heartbreaking incidents.but before all of that happened i was never really as happy as they thought i was. i looked cheerful and happy only because i didn't want nobody to lay their sympathetic eyes on me. thinking about it now,i was indeed loaded with everything i could ever possibly need,only that i never realized it back then like i do now. (i could have even had my prince charming hadn't i been such a moron) people did boil with green inside of them but that was useless because i was simply faking a happy life, beneath all of smiles and laughter was a layer that nobody except my best friend knew. it was a feeling that i could not push away no matter how many times i tried. it was a feeling i could not explain because nobody would believe me anyway. i felt lonely even when i was surrounded by a room full of people i loved and cherished. i felt like i was missing something. like my equation to a happy life was still far from being complete.so,the big phone i had was the thing that caught everybody's eyes. but they never knew that i had to stay without a phone for two whole months just to be able to get this baby rock <3 they always thought that i got whatever i had without a fight. but only know how dirty the fights were to get something i wanted. it was never easy for me. i was spotted in a coffee shop all the time simply because i wasn't allowed to bring friends home. that was the sickest thing i had to accept and live with. i was never a carefree person . on the outside i made myself look tough but on the inside i break worse than a glass. i cry before i sleep on most nights . and if i lost someone i really cared about, the crying doesn't find a time to come . i was downright sensitive and all mushy. of course i never showed it on the outside for the most obvious reasons! i was never allowed any allowances. so every once in a while i saved up some and spent it all on the ones that spent on me when i was broke. my attitude was a wall i built myself to protect me from repeatedly getting hurt or subjected to any sort of events that will break me down. and all of this was known by only one friend who stuck around with me through highs and lows and never walked away,unlike many. SO THAT IS THE REAL STORY. NOW COMES THE PART ABOUT WHAT I AM UPTO THESE DAYS!
after going through a series of rough patches,i have decided to let go of all the things that had hurt me in some way. i have set aside a lot of people who were earlier my friends . i have realized why things never worked out sometimes and why i was never as happy as i seemed to others. now,i have cut myself out from any possible link to my past and i'm sticking to just the one friend that stuck with me. i have no intentions of visiting my past ,though it was fun and all. i'm finally finding happiness from within myself by being myself. i don't have to be pretentious person anymore. and i sure as hell don't want to be interrupted by anyone that i don't talk to anymore. because the logic is simple. IF YOU WERE IN ANY WAY SUPPORTIVE OR COMFORTING OR NECESSARY TO ME,YOU WOULD BE HAVING THE NUMBER TO MY CELL NOW! /peace out\
i am able to get the outline of all... now..
ReplyDeleteyou do? well.. i'm happy:)
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