how I killed time..

Yet another ordinary day in my ordinary life. I am absolutely clueless about what I want to do to kill time . it's a sunday and I was thinking that maybe we would visit the outside world together as a family and I was proved wrong when my pop said that he had something to do for the day and he couldn't take me out.i was a little glum after I heard this. But I had hopes because I could still ask my one and only friend to accompany me to a mall perhaps. I wasn't in the least expecting another blow but that's exactly what I got. She had relatives come home and she was asked to take care of them. She said " they're all grown up adults and I wonder why I have to take care of them. I'm jus a kid!"  I understood from her tone that she despised staying at home too but didn't have a way out. I sat on the cement plank on my terrace and wondered. A few good minutes passed and that's when I realized that a part of my behind was exposed to the sun and I could feel my skin getting baked. I jumped up like I had dropped a piece of burning coal on myself and all I could remember was that I ran like I would run to catch the last bus out of hell. Finally I was under the shades of my room. The blue room of mine has never been more comforting than it was today. I walked around a bit to relax my leg muscles that got worked up. I was sweating profusely . So I walk to the spot where the switches are embedded into the wall. I switch on the switch for the fan. I watch the blades of the fan rotate and a moment of bliss breaks out. I turn around to walk back to my bed but something holds me back.  I turn to the switch I just switched on and I switch it off. My finger is still on the switch. I switch it on now. I switch it off now. I press the switch a little bit to see if I could balance it somewhere in between on and off. But it snaps and gets switched on. I switch on the fan one last time and walk slowly to my bed, mind clouded with thoughts. I sat slowly on the bed . I kept thinkin why it was impossible to balance the switch between on and off. That exact moment I did something that I always do and I felt enlightened. I related the story of the switch to my life or jus life in general. It makes sense, I felt. One can never be a cat on the wall . And if they do be one, life's going to make decisions that might not leave us content. It's always either this or that. Never a little of the both. Sometimes, it so happens, the person gets to enjoy the best of both. But seldom does it stay for one to realize what he had. After thinking about all the times I had been a cat on the wall, I tried to decide which side I'd choose if I had to. And I felt that had I made these decisions when I should have, life would have been merry for me instead of being a pain. But I also think about the saying told to me by many of my friends. " never regret what you do". I feel a little better. I realized my butt had become a little numb after after having sat in the same position for 37 minutes . I shift a little bit and lie down on my bed. I heard the bed creek slightly as I moved to a comfortable position. I lied down, stiff as a board. Yes, I was thinking about something. I was thinking about how the most unnoticed thing suddenly became noticeable .and  that was possible because I actually paid attension to it. I, once again, related this to incidents. I realized that I had convinced myself That many things happened without a reason. I sometimes got so frustrated because I wasa true believer of the saying " everything happens for a reason" and when things happened without a reason it brought me too close too often with ceasing to believe in anything. But now it made sense. I figured things didn't make sense only because I never paid attension to what was happening. Had I paid attension I would have not only understood the reason behind many hurting seperations, misunderstandings and tiffs but also would have understood the essentials of keenly and actively following every teeny bit of action around oneself. I had not felt this awake in a long while now and I assumed it was because I finally gave some work to my rather rusty brain.
I rolled on to the side of the bed where I had left my phone to rest to check the  the time. I was hoping to find the time to be 4 something. But I also realized that it was a little too dark outside for it to be 4. I pressed the lock button and my jaw dropped when my phone screen came alive revealing the time. It was 5 minutes to 6. I was not only baffled but was also proud of myself that I found a way to kill time as well as to discover myself and the things I've done like discovering a diamond in the rough.
I feel a sense of elation as I rise up from the bed. I open my door and I feel like I've opened the doors of my life to a whole new phase.
Ps: loneliness is not the worst thing as some say. For me it has been the best .
If you never try you'll never know.

PEACE B-)